Friday, June 27, 2008

I need your prayers...

I have a problem. And it's as serious as any alcoholic or drug addict's problems. I am a spend-a-holic. I know that sounds funny and cute but it's not. It's serious. There have been times in my life when I couldn't control my spending, including recently. In 2005, over the course of a few months I spent nearly $20,000. There was a trip to California involved. Other than that, I only remember a lot of eating out and lots of trips to the mall for new clothes and dvds. I will go along for several months, doing ok and then BAM! something in my brain goes weird and I justify all kinds of purchases. Oh, sure, now it's usually a really good deal on whatever it is, but in reality it's not a necessary purchase and the money shouldn't be spent. This has repeatedly put a strain on my marriage. When you spend money behind your husband's back you're sending a message to him, whether you realize it or not. That message is "What you give me isn't enough, I want MORE!" To show him such disrespect is most shameful. Guys will tease each other about their wives spending habits, but many a truth is said in jest. And so I have wounded my husband and I have shamed him in the eyes of others.

And so I'm coming here today to confess before witnesses, few though they may be, that I need help. I need your prayers. I need God to help me overcome this weakness.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Phil 4:13

Because the only way I'm going to overcome this addiction/illness/foolishness is with His help.


Barbara said...

I will do my best to help you with this and to stop enabling you. Satan knows all my weak points and one of them is that I am easily blindsided. If I had of paid attention to what was going on, I could have helped stop this before it got this far. God has ways of teaching us things in ways which we don't forget. Now that I truly recognize your problem AND MINE, I will be better able to help. Be hard enough on yourself to LEARN from this, but then leave it and go on. What's done is done and the past can't be changed. Pull yourself up and start running for your goal. Don't allow yourself to wallow in guilt----learn from mistakes and then go on doing better than anyone ever dreamed you could. I think that your family is now actually AWARE of your prolem, we CAN help. We can say something when we see you losing ground and help you stop before it goes too far. Remember, we ALL have our weaknesses and that is where Satan sets his mark. Now that you've faced up to and acknowledged yours, Satan won't have such an easy time trapping you next time. Love you, Barb

Beth said...

I'll pray for you.